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Food is fuel



I am an addict.

 I use presence tense because once you are an addict; you really are always an addict in my opinion. The only difference is whether you are actively indulging in your addiction or not. 

Thirty years ago, I was hospitalized for Bulimia.  I was rushed to Graduate Hospital Emergency Room where they did ever test imaginable on me.  My mother and father stood by helplessly.  Did they know their 16 yr old was killing herself by eating up to 5000-7000 calories in one sitting and vomiting?  Yes and no.  They knew on some level, but honestly I don’t think that they every really knew how sick I was.  Only I knew that secret.  See I was smart.  I was a straight A student. I read every physiology book there was and had prepared to go to medical school.  I knew what laxatives to take and how much.  I knew what foods would digest and what would not. I knew all the “nooks and crannies” of Bulimia.  I “looked” normal.  Actually, I was overweight so no one really suspected.  I fooled everyone….I thought. (Typical teenager).  Until one day, I couldn’t stop.  The food would not stay down even if I wanted it to and I began vomiting uncontrollably.  I remember that day like it was yesterday.  I went to my mother’s bedroom door and said, “Take me to the hospital.”  She did not even ask me why.  She knew.

This is my story.   Honestly, I never thought I would be alive when I was deep in my addiction.  I thought that it would kill me.  Why?  Unlike any other addiction (alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, shopping, etc); one cannot live without food.  One will die without it.   Like any addict, I knew the game.  I knew how to hide, manipulate and deceive.  If you ever wanna know about the best drugs; don’t ask a doctor, ask a drug addict.  They can tell you everything you wanna know.   This is the same for people who are actively in their addiction or recovered from an addiction.  They know the game.  They have “street cred.” This is why I am so passionate about marathon running, triathlons and health and fitness.  It is my medicine.

If you are wondering, yes I am fully recovered.  I have been for the passed 25 yrs.  I have shared my story openly and honestly with my closest friends and loved ones, but not with the public.  Today, I  share this with you. 

When I say …”It is all about the journey.”  I truly mean it.  Life is all about the journey.  There is no “end game” with food addiction.  One must learn to live with it and manage it.  Health and fitness is my medicine. It saved my life. Food is fuel for me.  One word saved my life……Moderation!  Unlike substance abuse or alcohol; I can’t just steer clear of my “drug of choice.” I had to learn how to self-regulate.

I do hope that this post will  touch at least 1 person.  It will help them understand that you can overcome a food addiction and live a healthy life.  You can learn to self-regulate without fear or medications.  Most importantly, you can learn to love your body and what it can do.
Thanks for listening…Until next time…

Enjoy the journey







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