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Fear, Feedback and Fuel



On Sunday, I started the Chicago Triathlon.  It was one of the largest in the United States.  The goal was to complete 1500m in Lake Michigan cycle 24.5 miles and run 6.2 miles in Chicago. I completed this race last year. It was both challenging and fun. This year the outcome was not what I had planned. I started the race surrounded by wonderful people, Some I knew while others were strangers. We all started the race together. Rough waters awaited. Lake Michigan looked menacing.  She churned and tossed us from the moment we entered the water.
Here I am at the first bouy. My plan was slow and steady since I was not familiar with this type of water.
So I swam. I remembered saying to myself, "Slow is fast". I focused on each stroke and thought of little else. I saw a friend swim by me. It made me feel great as I turned to the straightaway toward the finish. I could see the finish through my Rx goggles. I swam and swam.
As I sighted for the tall buildings in the distance, I realized I was getting pushed closer and closer to the break wall. I saw the waves getting higher and higher. I kept trying to swim outward but made no progress. Then a big wave came and hit me.  I was slammed into the break wall and pushed out into the lake then back again. I was in a "washer machine". I just got thrown around and while I was hurt and disoriented, I managed to grab a safety rope and was pulled in by life guards.

I cried. No. I sobbed. I was in shock. I was angry at Lake Michigan. I could see the finish. I remember repeating that to the safety official knowing very well my race was over.   I knew in that moment, Lake Michigan won.

I have never felt uncontrollably fear as I did in that moment. Even after the event ended, I shook.
I saw photos and film later that day of the swim and cried. I was still afraid. The last few nights as I slept, I felt my body swirling uncontrollably only to awake and realized that the event is over. I survived.

Although I was not successful in completing the course on that day, I learned a lot about myself.  It is my belief that feedback is a good thing.  I learned that I have more fight in me than I ever thought. I struggled in the last 300 m to the finish but did not give up. I did not finish the course but the course did not FINISH me.  Physically, I am banged up.  My shoulder hurts. I have small cuts but I am ok. Mentally, I am fine. I know that on a different day, I could complete the distance and that makes me smile. Am I still afraid? Yes. Will I sign up for another triathlon, Yes. When? Not sure.

So what does one do when they don't finish a race?  The day after the Chicago Tri, I got up and rode my bike 26 miles and ran a 6.4 miles through Chicago. I smiled and even took a few photos.

I reminded myself that only 3 years ago, I could not swim at all. This was my 3rd triathlon ever. I literally did a super sprint and the the Chicago Olympic Distance last year and a Sprint this year. I have a lot to be proud of and much to learn. I learned I need more experience PERIOD. I am a newbie. Most importantly, I survived and can try again.

Sunday night after the race, I had a moment to myself before bed, I wrote a note to myself. I used to teach and remembered writing notes to students who were unsuccessful on an exam. I would say this ...

Dear Student,

I am sure you studied (trained) for this, but today you were not successful. It appears you made alot of progress from the beginning of the term, but you still have many concepts you need to master. With regret, I must inform you that you have not passed this course. Please take a moment and focus on all that you have learned. Try to focus on what went well this semester. When you sign up to take this class again, focus on areas you must strengthen. I am sure you will be successful. I will help you as well. Wishing you success on your journey.

~Professor Winters

Today, I read these words again prior to placing them in this blog. I am the student who was not successful, but is willing to "register" again for the same class. However, I am different, stronger and more knowledgeable due to my failure. I will journey on.


It's all about the journey

Coach Stacy

Comments

  1. Evan's EclipseAugust 31, 2017 at 4:02 PM

    Thank you for sharing, I too was at Chicago and the water was horrible. It was my first tri and I just learned to swim in the last year and had I not had my husband, sister-in-law and friends on the shore encouraging me I would have been pulled. Love the note to yourself (and your students). Glad you are able to give and follow your own advice that is something that is hard for many of us. I will be there next year and I will be happy to know that you will be there too .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Coach StacyAugust 31, 2017 at 4:24 PM

      Congratulations on your successful tri. No one does triathlon alone. I truly believe the spirit of others carries us to to the finish. So happy you had a safe and successful tri. We both will be better (are) better from this experience. Wishing you much success.

      Delete
  2. UnknownAugust 31, 2017 at 4:38 PM

    Stacy thank you for sharing your experience. I am an experienced triathlete and want you to find comfort in the fact that you were not alone in your struggle. I too had challenges that day while swimming in those rough waters. Please don't be discouraged by what happened. You are right that this is a learning experience and a very valuable one at that. Part of the love and mystery we have of triathlons is partially the weather; you never know what race day will bring! Good luck to you in your future races, I'm sure you will crush it and show mother nature who is stronger!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Coach StacyAugust 31, 2017 at 6:54 PM

      Thank you for your kind words and taking a moment to read my thoughts. Triathlon brings out the best in people. I am not discouraged. I feel fortunate to even participate in this sport. Everyone is so encouraging. Although I am in 45-49 AG, I feel like I am in kindergarten in triathlon. Yes, the weather is the unknown. I will always need to factor that in when selecting future races. Thank you so much for taking a moment to send a message my way today.

      Delete
  3. Lisa SteptoeAugust 31, 2017 at 5:47 PM

    I look forward to racing or just enjoying an adventure with you another day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Coach StacyAugust 31, 2017 at 6:59 PM

      They say a life well lived is when you can just make light of the hard stuff, share the scary stuff and embrace to the joy in all of it. I was so happy to see you swim by me a little after the first turn around point. It made me smile. I thought, "There she goes, swim diva." I was hoping to see you on the bike or run. This I know, there will be more fun indeed.

      Delete
  4. Amy BAugust 31, 2017 at 9:03 PM

    I was in the same wave as you, along with three of my friends. We are all in our second triathlon season with at most 3-4 events under our belts, and most of us are pretty new to swimming. Those waves were no joke. Any one of us could've gotten trapped against the breakwall like you did, and none of us had the swim she'd hoped for. Thanks for sharing your story.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Coach StacyAugust 31, 2017 at 11:19 PM

      Thank you so much for sharing with me. Together we can and will continue the Tri journey. This post reminds you and me that we are never alone in our Tri struggles.

      Delete
  5. ALBERTA WILLIAMSSeptember 1, 2017 at 9:27 AM

    You have truly inspired me to continue on my Tri journey. Thank you for sharing....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Coach StacySeptember 1, 2017 at 10:04 AM

      Thank you so much for taking a moment to read this. I started this blog some years ago as a public reminder to myself that one doesn't have to be particularly skilled to try new things in life. One must only be sufficiently motivated and humble in the process. Have fun. Enjoy your journey.

      Delete

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