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Movement is medicine-Reflections from 2018


As I reflect over the events of this year, one word comes to mind.  The word is unravel.  To unravel means to undo, disentangle and investigate. It means to clarify and solve.   Every once in a while, I have a year where all heck breaks out and this was one of those years.  You may have had one year like this as well.

This year I struggled with depression.  This was abnormal for me, but nevertheless it was a real mental state I could not shake.  I struggled with depression and anxiety for months as I watched my 12 year relationship dissolve before my eyes. I felt powerless.  Depression is turning anger inward.  Instead of focusing my anger accordingly, I became angry at myself.  I am a fixer. I can make all things "right," so I thought but I could NOT fix my own marriage.   This was hard for a type A personality. 

This is the most personal entry I have written and I debated whether I would publish it or not.  After thinking for several hours, I decided to post it. Why? 
I chose to post this blog because I used my pain to remember my purpose.  My pain reminded me of who I was before my relationship and who I still am.  It is unfortunate that in relationships, one can lose  themselves.  I did.  However, I kept moving.  I volunteered with children,  worked with my patients in clinical rounds, never missed a day of work, maintained a 3.94  GPA in nurse practitioner school; followed up with my friends about their personal projects, attended family gatherings and ran 702 miles, cycled 1,375 miles and swam 17, 395 yards.  Exercise saved my life.  It reminded me to breathe and just move. It reminded me of ME!  It's ok to just be ME!  I was running before my relationship in 2006.  I am still moving...That is who I AM!

During all the upheaval of the past few months, I was reminded of something I have always believed and continue to believe especially as I get older.  My great-grandmom's favorite line, " You are the company you keep."  Look in the mirror. Then look around you and the company you keep.  The people around you should reflect who you are and your purpose, values and passion.  If you find yourself traveling a road with someone who is traveling with you, but NOT for you--> Detour!  Go back and grab that mirror. Don't spend your life looking at them.  Look at you. Look within.  Then look at them again. If they are not supportive of you living your best life, then turn and walk away QUICKLY!

My final lesson of 2018 is the importance of mental health.  Mental health is just as important as physical health.  Movement was my medicine. Whether it was yoga, running, stretching, swimming, cycling, hiking, pilates, etc., each form of movement reminded me to breathe. I highly recommend that people seek mental health as part of their wellness journey and in crises.  There is NO shame is seeking help.

Thank you 2018 for your lessons.  In all lessons, there is a blessing. I count this joy as well. 

Never forget to enjoy the journey

Wonderful photos from 2018










Comments

  1. Endo.Doc2012December 31, 2018 at 7:33 AM

    Hugs to you and I applaud your transparency. May 2019 further your healing and may you see great things in the future. Also thank you for addressing the stigma of seeking mental health services especially as Black woman

    ReplyDelete

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